I've often wondered if I were bipolar. I'm really joking. Kind of. Pretty much. I mean, I'm not that extreme in my highs or lows, but I definitely am noticing cycles of ups and downs.
If I were to document (journal) consistently my ups and downs, I'd see they probably run in about 2 month cycles. I would also see that the drug that levels out my ups and downs is called "time with the Lord." It seems that when I am consistent in my time with Him, communing with Him through the Lord's Supper and prayer, feasting daily on His Word, I am a more joyful and *peaceful* woman. But then I'm feeling good. Feeling capable. Stretching my independence. Moving away from my source of peace. And I fall flat. on. my. face.
What's that they say--knowledge is half the battle? Well, I am (once again) sick of myself and ready to do things right. Here's to consistency. And God's faithfulness to (once again) draw me near to Himself. Oh, that I would be healed of my independence and run a consistent and faithful race, remembering that true peace comes from God alone.
And "all of this" is also my prayer for you, because we are all struggling sinners.