Fall 2013-dark leaves

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Godliness in the Mundane

Margie Haack:

"When I was younger, I fantasized about doing something sensational and heroic, I can’t even think what right now. But I’ve learned that living a life pleasing to God and one that’s unexpectedly fulfilling is found in the ordinary days of waiting for the kitchen floor to dry in lemon-scented swaths on cleaning day, of scanning a cookbook for an apple cake recipe, reading a novel, reconciling the checking account, raising children, serving friends and strangers around a table where we share life stories. In the most foundational way learning to see Christ’s presence in the midst of the most common events not just for others, but for myself."

Thank you, Margie, for saying so well what I was trying to put to words (in my own head) this morning.  The Christian life is so much more an inner change of my own heart--learning to do everyday life or moments well--than my working to change everything outside of me to be more godly.  The life I live for Christ is what is attractive to others, and I can offer to them all that He is to me.  I guess that's not really what she's saying here.  But it kinda is.

Now off to do mundane...

I thought I was ready

I was wrong.  Our 6+month renters in Birmingham are officially leaving.  The insurance company has built them a new house, and they're moving into it Oct 26.  They've been month-to-month for a little while now, so I've known this was coming.

Somehow I'm still not handling this day as well as I expected to.  Mentally--and from prior experience--I know it's going to be fine.  Somehow.  No...the how is because the Lord has gone before us and had a good plan.

Yet I still want to throw up right now.  Please pray--really, please pray--for wisdom to know what to do (rent and/or sell) and that resolution will come quickly.  But my heart is my real problem.  Oh that I would trust God for real and have faith that brings peace beyond understanding.  After all, it's only a house and only money.  Stupid money.  Stupid anxiety and fear. 

Stupid shaking hands and dizzy head.  I mean, really, come on.  Really.  I suppose it's good at least that my visceral reactions won't let me fool myself into thinking I don't need God's help to handle this. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Communication via Email

In this new season of life (fall '11) where everyone in the entire family is going to school, the two adults have four jobs, and three kids and an adult have a sports practice weekly, as well as a weekend full of games and meetings to prep for/lead, I am not finding time to blog.  I'm not able to remember what I want to blog about.  I'm not even able to remember who I had what conversation with, whenever and wherever it was.  It's a trade-off I'm glad for so far, partly because I expect things to settle down sooner than later.  I expect to get my feet back under me hopefully in another week or so, even if I never do catch up on the sleep I'm missing.

I did just have an idea to share though, on how I keep up with Brian in all this in a way that doesn't tax my brain any further.

We share an email address.  We are able to watch communications between him and others, me and others, and even email between him and me.  I am made aware of meetings he has, needs he can fill, things he doesn't need to forget, etc. by watching our inbox.  He does the same for me.  And since neither of us have smart phones, it's helpful in case an urgent email comes in because the person currently in front of the computer can call the other and update him/her.

The only tricky part is being sure to "mark as unread" the email that is meant for the other so it doesn't get overlooked by the intended receiver.

So if you need me--or him--or want me--or him--to remind him--or me--of something, just shoot me--or him--an email at briandreb@gmail.com.  See, it's BriAndReb.  No, that's not BrianDReb, in case you were wondering. :)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Hey, guess what?

We're going to Auburn tomorrow!  WDE! 

No Going Back

Today they will have the memorial service for Dave Hudson, our dear friend and elder at Faith Pres in Birmingham, who died very suddenly early Monday morning.  I have no good words for how I feel other than heavy. 

I can not process what this means for the congregation at FPC to lose Bill White and Dave Hudson in 2 weeks time and have 2 other long-time, well-loved members on hospice for cancer.  What it means to Judy and Claire to lose their husbands, and the children/grandchildren their fathers/grandfathers, so quickly and unexpectedly.  For Mathern and Connie, who are in a holding pattern, waiting to meet their Savior any day? week? now. 

What I do know is that today I also mourn that we are not there to share intimately in their grief, to participate in all the emotions and hugging and loving and planning and serving and praising! that a congregation does when it loses one of its own.  Believe me, we are crying and praising! here too, but it's different from a distance.  And that is breaking my heart today too.

I've seen when people move away and long to return to the place and the way things were.  In their minds, the people they left are exactly the same, and so are they.  Well, I've known for a long time that I'm different than I was when we lived in Bham, but I've felt like I could walk right back into the congregation and not really miss a beat when we visit.

I don't think this is really possible anymore.  There have been too many babies birthed, life lived, and gentle and tragic losses.  There are so many Family events we know about, but so many struggles and joys we're completely unaware of.  I know it's not anything that anyone on either end of this relationship has intended or desired to happen.  Time and distance are the enemy here, and they make me feel like an outsider today.  I'm sure this has been happening gently over the last 2 years, but today this realization has hit me full force.

There is no one here for me to hug or love or plan with or serve related to this huge event.  There's nothing I can do to "help" or "participate."  Nothing.

But it's not, not, not about me.  I am sad today for many reasons, but especially and mostly for my friends who bury their husband and father today.  So, so sad.  Know the Browns love you all, and our prayers are with you especially today.