Fall 2013-dark leaves

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Believe what I believe

I'm trying to believe what I believe.  I'm trying to rest and trust.  I'm trying to wait patiently on God's timing.  I am excited to see what God's going to do with our circumstances to further his kingdom and bring himself glory.  But I still have to live through it.

Our renters are leaving.  Yes, the ones who said they wanted the house all 4 years that we are in seminary.  They still do, but the husband has lost his job.  And so goes my security that we won't lose the house or have to file bankruptcy.  Silly me, placing my security in mortal circumstances.

So now we have a house for sale or rent.  Seriously, just make us an offer.  And pray for me to rest. 

We've put it on Craigslist.  And we have a call in to a realtor to list it, asap, which is apparently not as quickly as I originally expected.  Brian says it's a holiday week, but it's been over a week since we called her about listing it.  And here comes my control-freakishness bearing its ugly fangs. 

Hey, at least we've done this "gotta dump a house or we lose everything" before.  I do wish we could get out of this with a little something to show for it.  Of course the cash would be nice, but I mean more about what that cash would represent--that my husband didn't work for 10 years in his first career for naught.  That he'd have something to show for the long hours of hard work he put in at BCBS and FPC. 

I guess we'll see.  I do believe in God's perfect soverignty.  This is not a surprise to him.  It's actually his plan--yes, I believe that too, easily and wholeheartedly.  He is entirely trustworthy too.  It's just that I have to do more than believe it; I have to live it out.  I'd just as soon skip to the resolution part of this story, and I know there is good for me and glory for him that will come from this, but I have to fight daily--no, momently--to rest in what the Bible tells me is true.  (see above)

I compare it to my delivering a baby.  I have duper-duper easy deliveries.  Don't ask, you really don't want to know how easy.  Lillian pretty much fell out.  But when it came time to deliver #3, I had done no mental prep for it.  I expected it to be simple.  And it was simple.  But no matter how easily it happens, it still has to happen.  I have to push a 7+ pound baby...well, you get the idea.  And that, not to mention 9 months of growing an entire human being in my body, is a traumatic event no matter how easily it happens.  So I had a freak-out moment in the delivery room.

Back to today...So maybe I've done this before.  And maybe my faith brings me peace, whenever I remember to believe what I believe.  But I still have to go through this.  And right now I'm having my freak-out moment.  So pray, and please remind me of what I know to be true.  It's all going to be OK.  It's all going to be OK.  It's all going to be OK.

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