Fall 2013-dark leaves

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Olden days

Tonight while Brian has been finishing up his Greek translation of the ENTIRE book of 1 John (pretty cool he can do that now!), I've been looking at pics of old friends on FB. I mean friends from way back. Back when I was in Ruston schools. It's funny what I remember from those days. My memories don't always match reality, I think. Looking back I was so insecure and trying so hard to be a part of a group where I was on the fringe on a good day. But still I have memories of great times with individuals within that group. Why was I so obsessed? Why did I try so hard? I was so concerned with "them" that I hardly remember who I really hung out with. Now that's not really true. What is true is that I can look at group pics and feel like I should be in them, but it's blaringly obvious (to me) that I'm not. In any of them. Real truth is that I shouldn't be in them. I wasn't a part of "them". But oh how I wanted to be.

Silly, isn't it. Now my brother on the other hand has always been secure within himself. He has never (as far as I am aware of) looked outside of himself and his Savior for significance or approval. And he's been that way forever. What a gift.

Catherine, our 6yo, has been a good lesson to me in all this kind of "stuff." She is stinkin' hilarious and came out that way. Catherine will never have to try to be cool--whatever that means at the time--because she is so secure in herself that she can be silly and fun in any situation.

I guess I'm still trying to embrace who I am. There are days I wish I weren't such a thinker or doer. That I could laugh at something more than worry about it. That I could have a conversation that didn't dive into the depths of who you are. That ALL of my significance, security and satisfaction would come from Jesus Christ. Resting in that truth will free me from so much worry about people and circumstances. Whomever/whatever they are. Even when I feel like I did in Jr. High.

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