How can I be
1. nauseated at the volume of gifts and toys our family received -- i.e. it's too much, while being
2. honestly, truly thankful for what we did receive, and yet
3. bitterly jealous that I didn't some other things.
Those dots just don't line up. Lord, please take away my sin of entitlement. Gifts all come from you through many different ways. And they're gifts, not prizes I earn or treats I deserve. Free gifts given to me through the sacrifices of the giver. What I receive is up to them. Please change my heart to be more wholly grateful. So grateful and joyful that the jealousy and bitterness are pushed out entirely.
And remind me momently that your SACRIFICE to give me salvation through Jesus, through a faith you GIVE me, is truly the GREATEST AND ONLY GIFT I need. It should supply all the joy and contentment I need. And does, when I keep a right perspective. But this has been my heart's struggle over the last few days.
Now don't get me wrong--it has been a wonderful, fabulous Christmas with all our family. I'd say the very best ever. :) And largely because I'm seeing my sin in new ways and fighting against it. That's always good.
We hope you had a Merry Christmas too!
OK--now that I've reflected a bit--some clarifications:
ReplyDeleteA cool thing is that while I'm jealous of what others have received, I am sincerely excited for the person who received the gift. So if you're in my family, believe me that I'm not jealous of YOU or bitter toward YOU. This post is about MY heart's struggles. I think what you got for Christmas is awesome!
Also, it's not about a specific instance or gift.
Also, I'll post another time about how good it feels to GIVE and see it well-received!
And lastly, in our family, so often the gift is exactly what I've asked for or picked out myself. So I'm TRULY grateful, whether that's the case or not.
So no one get their feelings hurt, OK? Or I'll not be able to bear my soul online for all to read and know about my deep, inmost thoughts, lol.