I think I need to clarify that in a previous post I was not speaking to specific friendships that might not be what I thought. I am speaking to what it looks like to have friends who know you on different levels. We can all agree that we know some friends better than others. What I'm acknowledging is that a friendships can only go as deep as both parties desire. I can only know you as much as you show me your heart AND I have eyes to see the real you. You can only know me as much as I reveal myself to you AND you have eyes to see me.
I can be vulnerable and think my friend sees me, but unless she honestly "goes into my world," she can't know what it's like to be here. If another friend shares her struggles with me, but I don't put in the work to really understand what that means, I am limited in my knowing her.
It's a hard thing to do. There are struggles and frustrations that friends share that I gloss over because I just can't take on more struggle and frustration. And my circumstances are frustrating and hard to "get" too.
Which is why we find ourselves with different levels of friendships. This is why we resonate with some people much more easily than with others--we already know them because they are so like us to begin with. Others take more effort to know. Not to mention that there is only so much time and energy we have to invest in really knowing the people we know.
Unfortunately, sometimes we think others see us when they don't. And that can bring a lot of sadness and loneliness. It doesn't mean you're not real friends. And I mean REAL friends. The sadness comes when it's just not at the depth you thought it was, or if you've worked to reach into the depths of that person but it's not reciprocated.
So, I'm still not talking about a specific friendship of mine; I'm simply reflecting a topic I've discussed with others over many, many years that was on my mind this last week.
So know I love all of you, my friends. No matter if we're super deep, close friends or more acquaintances! REALLY! :)
valuable and healthy to have precious friendships on all of those levels! and in my life some change over time: deeper than they were, or a little lighter than they used to be. others are always constant: always light and fun or always we can hop right back into the deep! each type has its own special significance.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to diving deep again soon. Whatcha say we crash regan's again sat. night? Is that too much time away in one day?
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