Fall 2013-dark leaves

Friday, January 7, 2011

Seminary Epiphany--Part 2

Part of my resentment toward the quesiton, "What does your day look like today?" is that I don't even know what it means when he tells me what he has to do.  It's another comparison thing.

In Bham, if he had a meeting or went to work, I knew the people he was with.  I knew specifically what he was doing there.  And because we had 9 years of history with most of the people and circumstances involved, it only took a minute to fill me in on what he'd been up to with whom.  Even though we'd spent most of the day apart, I felt like I was completely filled in on his life.  And that made me feel like more of a direct part of the life he lived all day.

Now, it's not like I'm a controlling wife!  I'm not wanting to keep my thumb on top of him or micromanage his life or be nosy.  I like to hear his stories.  It's what makes me feel like we're on the same team, walking together through life.  And in Bham it was effortless to do this.

Here in STL, I feel clueless about what he's learning, who he's with, and what he's actually doing.  Often I don't even know where he is.  It makes me feel like I don't know him as well and that I'm not as much a part of his life.  And for me to be filled in well would take much more time than before, when time is more precious now than ever.

And the same goes for my sharing with him.  I would call him in Bham when we were in the car and tell him who we saw at the park or how much I saved at Publix.  We'd touch base throughout the day every day.  Here, I can't count on it being a good time to interrupt him. 

So, I'm not sure this is a problem with an easy solution.  And I'm not seeing that school ending will help it either.  Not sure what to do with this part.

We admit we've always had an easy marriage. We've never fought and rarely disagreed. It was very, very, very easy to just go forward with living. So any little issue is a big one for us.

A friend suggested that the disjointedness might just be part of this season in our marriage (10 years last month).  Maybe.  I have a hard time with just letting it go at that.  But identifiying that IT'S CIRCUMSTANCES THAT ARE CAUSING THE ISSUE helps me be more gracious to him too.  And we can all use grace around here!

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